A little bit here and there

Oh my, it's August already. When was the last time I updated this blog? Probably a month ago.. Next month, I'm starting my first ever full time job. Because of this, this month I'm gonna be busy as bee. I have to continue attend class, find my daughter a babysitter (disaster happened), go holiday (against my wish), and etc.. First of all, I started class in June and still going on until next year. So, it'll be a hectic year for me. My baby is supposed to be send to my mother's house when I'm working but things just don't go my way. Mom needs helps on Wednesday and Friday because she needs to work so I asked my neighbour to help. But last minute, the maid has high blood pressure and high cholesterol level so she can't help me.. Okay, health comes first of coz.. I also didn't want anything to happen to her.. So I'm struggling with another babysitter. 

Yesterday, I went to my mother in law's house and decided to give it a second try. She too, cannot because she needs to work.. But she will help me ask around. *fingercrossed* Then, holiday.. As you all know, Raya is just around the corner which also mean that holiday. So, my mother in law decided to go Johor and Singapore to visit her siblings. She asked us to tag along. Not that I didn't want to go but bringing a 6 months old baby (she will be 6 months old by then) to vacation is kind of troublesome. Shower, feeding, sleeping, carrying and etc.. But hubby decided to tag along being a good son to fulfill his mother's wish to bring her granddaughter back.. Hopefully Lil Sammie will be good by that time.. 

Oh, another thing.. I actually plan to stop breastfeeding and I know it needs time so I'm trying very hard to adjust with it.. And, I started to feed Lil Sammie with porridge.. I have to blend it so it will be easier to digest and so far, she is taking it well.. I gave her my Lil Isabelle's formula to try on and she seems okay with it so I guess it is not a problem to start her formula.. I wanted to continue to breastfeed but then working makes it so hard for me so I have to give that up..

Now, Lil Sammie can flip and turn but couldn't crawl yet.. All she can do is turn direction.. Haha.. But she likes to grab EVERYTHING within her reach and put it in her mouth. Oh, imagine the horror.. When I take the things away from her, she cry.. See la, use her crying power to get what she wants but sorry, I will not give you anyway.. But her daddy will.. Bad bad daddy.. She will turned 6 months next week. Ah, time passed so fast.. Just a moment, I'm pregnant with her.. Then gave birth to her and now she is 6 month's old already.. She just likes to play and things that she likes to play is exciting kind.. Haha.. 

Seeing my mother makes me heartache.. She is lack of sleeps and needs do far more lot of things than last time yet some people are not appreciating her efforts. She is not made of iron okay.. She is human with blood and flesh and she will be tired too. To those who ditch your responsibility, we keep quiet doesn't mean we are nice to be bully.. Just wait and see.. 

Me in recent days

Good days!
I've been away for a while, didn't I? I'm just busy dealing with ma daughter.. Other than that, I'm also starting class yesterday.. What? Studying again? Yes! A one year course but it's a part time so I can work at the same time.. =) Lil Sammie has been a little bit kinky recently. She cries a lot when I brought her to new places aka my mum's house.. I guess child's memory is really short term.. She totally forgot that she used to stay there for months.. Haha.. I'm still thinking of how am I supposed to leave her under my mum's care when I went to work.. Will she cry non-stop? I wonder.. So, all I can do right now is to bring her back to mum's place more often..
Studying is pretty bored for me but at least I'm doing something more productive than staying home 24/7.. I'm currently hooked on a new game named Where's My Water? but my phone seems to have problem downloading it.. (I played using my sis phone btw) Maybe it's time for a new phone perhaps? LOL.. I wish but not now..
Things has been slowly turned out good for me and my family.. Grandma has been staying in my mum's house for quite some time now.. She is funny because she often recognized ppl wrongly and you will lost track of who she is referring.. Just last Sunday, we were having dinner (me, granny, bro and sis) I asked granny who is my brother? She cannot come out with a name then my bro casually said that he is my husband. I repeat after him and granny scolded me siow.. Haha.. At least she knows he is not my husband.. And she started to differentiate Lil Sammie and Lil Isabelle..
I whatsapp with my friends yesterday and I miss them so much.. I need more outings with my friends.. Pls come back now so we can hang out together..  =(
I'm very hungry now and hubby is still not back with my lunch. Grumpy!!

I've changed, have I?

I read my previous post and realized that the way I blog is sooooo different than now.. Most of my recent post revolves around my family and mainly my daughter.. Hahaha.. The changes that I did not realized though. But really, all I do now is wake up, do some house chores, play with my daughter, bath her and yada yada yada then sleep.. LOL.. My day is almost the same except for any other day where my hubby will bring us out, I'm back in Klang or went out with my buddies.

Yesterday, I sent my DNDHZ friends that are going to UK. I've lil Sammie and hubby going along. Lil Sammie is like a star because each of them carry her and show their family.. Hahaha.. Some said she look like me and some said she look like hubby. Oh ya, buddy Wan Huey went to vacation with her family so we meet there too.. Airport can be a place of happiness but also a place of sadness.. Happiness is when you went and pick up your loved one from the arrival hall and sadness is when you sen your love one off in departure hall. It is very sad to look at the back of your love one when he/she is leaving. Although they will come back, but it will be in few days, months or years time. So, I have love and hate relationship with airport..

Well, as you all aware, I've graduated and haven't find myself a job. I'm still confused in which field I should work in. So, my life is basically very boring. Not that I'm not happy with my life, just not as happy as b4.. Why, you may ask. Since my daddy's death, every individual in my family changed. As in for me, I've become more grown up and realized of my own responsibility especially after my daughter is born. I was pampered and protected by my family all the time and no matter what happened, I can always go back to my family and then they will settle it for me. Of coz now, my family still supports me but things changed. I realized I have to think and plan everything myself and cannot rely on other people. I cannot act childish anymore. Which is why I'm a boring person now. Hahahaha.. But I'm glad to have hubby by my side. He provide me everything I need now. I know he's been spending much recently.. Way too much. But, he still pamper me with my favourite food whenever we go out. And often help me to babysit lil Sammie. He is a loving hubby to me and loving daddy to lil Sammie.

But still, I'm not used to staying by myself yet.. I miss Klang and my Klang home..

New Home New Life

I officially moved to Puchong last Tuesday with my hubby and lil Sammie. One week here and I'm just starting to get used to living on my own. Yep, I stayed with my family since born.. LOL.. Even after married, I only stayed a month in my in law's place. So, basically, I only start my marriage life now. Staying by myself, cook, clean and etc.. Now, I have a routine that I have to follow everyday. It is kind of boring.. LOL.. I didn't really cook yet because I'm still learning. Husband did the cooking most of the time. PHAIL kao kao. Do I really like this kind of life? Nope, I prefer working and doing something rather than staying home all day. But now, for my daughter's sake, I have to wait. Mainly because she is still small (3 months +) and I didn't want to hire a babysitter. I have no confident in babysitter nowadays. I often hear scary tragedy about how baby is killed in their babysitter's house. So now, I will try to arrange either my mother in law or my mum to take care of her when I work.

Watching lil Sammie growing each day is satisfying. I'm wondering what is the first word that she will say.. Haha.. I'm blessed because people around me loves my daughter, lil Sammie very much. They will shower her with gifts and through their action. Here, I want to thank everyone for loving my daughter so much.. =) Speaking about that, I'm kind of missing my niece now. Few days didn't see her already. I stayed with her since her birth until I moved out. Tak biasa without her right now.. Next time when she go back to China sure miss her kao kao..

Part of my DNDHZ friends is going to UK tmr. I wish them best of luck here and will be here waiting for them to come back. I'm so gonna miss them!!!! Bring me souvenirs pls.. Notice the 'S'? Hahahahaha...

Work? Which Field?

I'm not working yet after I graduated because of my daughter.. I've yet decide who will be taking care of her after I work. Another problem will be, which field would I want to work in.. Buddy, Wan Huey suggested that I work as a writer because she thinks I can write.. I wants to work in events company but then she said it's very tiring.. Dilemma.. But in the end also have to based on the salary offered.. My sister's ex-manager offered me job but she need me to start work immediately. I can't because no one take care of my daughter.. Her offer was satisfying but too bad, I have to pass.. Arghh... 

So, which field should I work in? Any suggestion?

Women, in many ways..

I wonder how much a women will be willing to sacrifice for a man? Why does this question pop up? Few days ago, I was chatting with my sister in law and we, (sis in law and I) now a mum so basically our topic is about pregnancy and baby. Breastfeeding is very popular among mothers now because of the benefits of breastfeeding. But of coz, there are some women who refuse to breastfeed their children. As most of you know, natural birth is very painful and of course you body, especially your vagina will not be the same again. My sister in law told me that women in China rather do cesarean than natural birth because they didn't want their vagina to be 'loosen'. I read a comment from a women who gave birth in France and according to her, women in France do not breastfeed their children because they want their breast to be in shape. This is to avoid their husband to have affair. Their husband is their priority rather than their children's health. So, I wonder, how much a women will do to sacrifice?

I knew a women who thinks that she give birth means she did a big sacrifice and expect the husband to be grateful. She cannot stand a little bit pain and to her giving birth is extremely painful and the husband should do the rest. I know giving birth is very painful but you do not need to mention it every time like you are the only one going through that pain. I understand that a women would love her husband to be grateful and show appreciation after she gave birth but that doesn't mean everything that you husband did for you is nothing.. You are the only who suffers. your husband go through the labor process with you and also taking care of the child and doing other necessary things for you too.. It just make me realized that everyone is different and I cannot expect anyone to just thinks the same as I was.

I went through natural birth and currently breastfeeding as most of the mummy. But I do not think it is sacrificing or anything. My husband went back to KL after my daughter's full moon and I have to take care of my daughter alone. I have my family to help me as well and I'm learning. Learning on how to take care of my daughter by myself. Seeing my daughter who is now a healthy 4.6kg baby in just 6 weeks makes me happy as well.. Of course, she is my priority now. Everything about her matters the most. And when people like her, I'm happy too.. =)

So another question pop up.. Why some mother can leave their children just like that? My daughter had jaundice when she was 3 days old and she stayed in hospital for 8 days. I have to stay with her to take care of her. When we were in the pediatric ward, on the 2nd last day, a 19th month old girl was admitted next to Sammie's bed. She didn't have any illness but she didn't walk or stand and didn't want to talk so her aunt sent her to the hospital for check up. It was her grandmother who accompanied her. When we chat, her grandmother said that little girl's mum left her when she was 2 months old. Ever since that day, she didn't cry at all. I find it very hard to believe that a child did not cry at all. But it is proven when she was brought to insert iv, she didn't cry at all.. Only struggle and shout popo.. Seeing that, I feel sympathy. Her dad, aunt, grandparents all love her very much but her mum's leaving left her a scar which no matter how many people loves her, the scar still remain in her.

A women can left her daughter for money, a women can refuse to breastfeed her child because want to stay pretty, a women go can through cesarean to remained her sex life..

This leads to the fact that there are a lot of types of people.. What do you think, women? Which type are you?

Labor time!

*sweeping away the dust* I think my blog is full of dust and spider webs.. It's been more than a month since my last post of false labor alarm.. Well, it is not a false alarm after all but an early sign of labor which I don't know about it.. #firsttimemum.. LOL.. If you are an active user in Facebook, you will realized a tons of baby pictures in my profile.. Yes, you are right.. My baby was born..

The story starts like this..... During the midnight of 17th February 2012..

After the so called false labor alarm, I survived the next day without any sign or pain. And so I thought, it is not going to happen anytime soon.. I still watch my drama, had my meals and all.. But as midnight approached, I begin to feel pain in lower abdomen which I casually thought is another false alarm.. So, I went to sleep and god, the pain become frequent as time goes by. I hardly can sleep and sometimes I need to stand for a while to feel relieved. I'm not waking my hubby up because I think the pain is still bearable. Until 5 something, I started to feel a little unbearable so I wake my hubby up and told him about the pain. He too, do not know what to do and asked me to wait for a while to see how.. Soon, I cannot take it so he went and wake his mum up and asked her what should we do. Her answer was GO TO HOSPITAL.. Okay.. I went and shower before going to hospital.. Hahaha.. Still got time to shower.. But I feel better after a hot bath but of course the pain didn't go away. I was supposed to go for doctor's appointment on that day itself but clinic did not open at 6am so I went straight up to labour ward. I told the nurse that I had stomach pain since midnight. The nurse register and then make me change into hospital suits. When changing, I realized there's blood coming out. Little bit like period. And so, I told the nurse and she nodded.. I was sent to a ward with four beds to wait and my husband was sent downstairs because he wasn't allowed to be with me. I was alone at first and soon joined by 3 other people. The nurses came and set up all the things and I was advised to lie down towards my left side to help baby to have better breathing. There was this women who is in the bed right in front of me screams like nobody's business.. She was 4-5com dilated and all she did was screaming "Sakit, tak tahan' I, of course was terrified as this is my first baby. I tried to stay as calm as possible because I know screaming won't help. Then, there are a bunch of doctors who came and check on each of us and when it is my turn, the professor touches my tummy and said 'I'm afraid you are not going to labor anytime soon'. He sent another housemen to check on me before sending me to pre-natal ward because I'm only 2cm dilated. I was thinking, 2cm already so pain, when 10cm how? The nurses bring me and another women up to the ward to wait until I'm at least 4 cm dilated.. Hubby came up to the ward and accompany me. Nurse asked me to inform her when my abdomen pain come every 5 minutes. I did tell her but she just asked me to wait for the doctor. Then the pain come every 3 minutes and I told her again and same thing, wait for the doctor. I had more blood coming out until I have to wear a pad. I waited patiently until the doctor to come at 2pm. Yes, the pain is unbearable... I had pain in the lower abdomen and my backbone at the same time. It's killing me and walking, lying down, sitting or anything didn't help at all. Finally, housemen came at 2pm and I told her about my condition. She said we don't check to often because they are afraid of infections so she asked me to wait for another doctor that will come later. I was like Wtf.. I'm in pain and you didn't even want to check for me? And guess what she said.. She adds, By looking at you, I don't think you are in great pain yet. Because we can see from expression. I didn't scream or anything doesn't mean I'm not in great pain.. Don't judge people by expression. Nehmind.. I waited and mum, sis in law and bro came around noon. My sis in law was terrified when she saw I'm in pain. I have to make my hubby to rub my back to feel better. Finally another doctor came at 4pm and he checked on me. I was thinking, if you tell me I'm not even 4cm dilated now, I'll go bang my head to the wall. I'm serious.. The pain is so unbearable and indescribable.. Luckily he said, you are 6cm dilated and can be sent to the labor room.. Phew! At least can go to the labor room.. Btw, this doctor is the one in surgical ward when daddy was admitted in hospital.. Now, he is transferred to labor ward.. I cannot even walk so the nurse have to take a wheelchair for me. I was sent directly to the labor room instead of the labor waiting room like in the morning. In the labor room, I was given a mask for me to inhale when I was in pain. When the nurse is setting up, I heard loud screams from other room.. It kind of terrifies me again.. It was so loud that the nurse decided to change a room for me right in the end. But i still hears that person's screaming away. Wow, she was loud. The nurse asked me not to scream as it did not help and in the end, I will not have enough energy to deliver my baby.. So, I dare not scream at all.. I only inhale the gas when the pain came. Maybe I inhale too much so I feel slightly floated.. LOL.. Like high on drugs although I don't know how high on drugs feels like.. My water is not broke yet and the nurse said doctor wants it to break naturally so I have to wait again.. Around 7 something, my water broke and still not ready for labor yet. I had few urge to push and I did push because it is so painful.. Like you wants to shit but you cannot.. This is how it feels.. Hahaha.. What a way to describe the pain. Around 7.30pm and after a few pushes, I feel something stuck down there so i ring the bell and the doctor came in.. I said, "Doctor, I feel something down there" She went and have a look and said, "Oh, I saw your baby's hair already and we can start the labor process" She went and get ready and all soon, the labor starts.. And it only ends at 8.18pm.. Phew! Finally, my baby is born.. I took so long because I don't have enough energy to push. I didn't eat much earlier so no energy.. But at least, it's a success and I feel proud of myself.. *pats myself* The first thing the nurse did was to hand me the baby to have a look.. After that, they bring her out to bath. As for me, continue to stay in to take out the placenta and stitches. I even asked the doctor, how do a placenta look like? She said I will show you later when it is out.. After the labor pain, nothing beats it so I feel so relax and begin to ask questions when the doctor is doing my stitches. I'm only done around 10 something and was sent to the post-natal ward. The first 2 person that I saw when I was out from the labor ward is my hubby and my sister.. My baby was sent for injection.. In the ward, there is all my family and my mother in law and hubby's younger sister. They told me hilarious story about my hubby. When the nurse came out from the labor room, she asked my hubby if he wants to have a look at his daughter. Guess what is his answer? It's okay, I can see her later.. The nurse was shock and asked, why you didn't want to see your daughter? Instantly, he feels weird and peek behind the counter and he saw....

This is her, my little princess.. She opens her eyes the moment her daddy saw her.. Haha.. Hubby thought the nurse asked him to go into the labor room to have a look at the baby.. Little did he know that the baby is actually just behind the counter.. The whole labor process is long and tiring so I sleeps not long after I went into the post natal ward. My brother asked me, why you look more energetic now than afternoon? He said in the afternoon, I look like dead fish and after delivery, I look so energetic. Haha.. I said not in pain anymore so feels better.
Credits to my buddy, Leong Wan Huey for taking great pictures of my baby. My DNDHZ friends came few days after to visit me and my baby.. Poor baby have to stay in the hospital for 8 days because of jaundice. As her mummy, I stayed in with her too.. An inexperience mummy taking care of her baby by herself.. They don't allowed anyone to stay with me when I'm in post natal ward and they only allowed when baby was transferred to pediatrics ward..
This is second day I think.. In a blink of eyes, she is one month old now.. Growing healthily.. Soon, she can talk, walk or even run.. Hahaha.. Heart my baby..

I love you, Sammie Koh Tze Xuan...

Labor? NOT..

I've been rotting at home for the longest time in my life that I don't know how it feels to be outside under the sun again..LOL.. This is mainly because I will be going into labor anytime soon so that's the reason why.. Everything's been good for me and I hope my baby will be greeting the world healthily. =) I've been looking up for information for contraction, water brokes and stuffs related to labor because I have no idea about it at all. Of course at this time of my life, I started to feel nervous because I do not know what to expect.. So, gotta do some homework..

It was Valentine's Day last Tuesday. I did not celebrate it with my hubby. Hmm~ As far as I remembered, we've not been celebrating it since 2 years ago.. Hahaha.. It seems like he is not a romantic person. I stayed home that day as usual but did received the best Valentine's gift that day. My results was released on that very romantic days and thank god, I passed which also means I'm officially graduated. I'm still very worry a day b4 as I'm not doing very good in one of my papers. I even checked the resit date as I'm very afraid that it will clash with my confinement. But now, everything seems to go on smoothly for me.. I feel blessed definitely although my gcpa is quite low.. But at least I graduated, that is the most important thing and my baby will be able to attend my graduation with me.. Special? I guess so..

Yesterday, I was at home as usual and hubby was back late from work. Late as in 12 something at night. I was ready to sleep when I saw a baby cockroach somewhere near my bed. Gross max! I don't dare to catch it nor do anything to it so all I did was staring at it and waited for my hubby to come back.. Yeah, he do all the jobs.. That is why we need a man at home. LOL.. Just as I'm ready to sleep, I'm having a cramp like pain in my upper abdomen. It was slightly like period pain and also gastric pain. I couldn't describe it. It came on and off. Pain then went off then pain again. I really thought I was going into labor but when hubby rub my tummy, it actually ease the pain so I guess it's not contraction after all.. After half and hour or so, it went off completely and hubby asked me to sleep so that it makes me feel better. And I'm able to sleep the whole night without waking up. I guess if nothing happens today, I will ask the doctor tmr as I will be going to the hospital again tmr.. I really wonder if my baby is ready to meet the world.. We will see.. =)

My baby girl

Today marks the 100th day of my dad's death.. Mum did a massive prayers for him and invited most of my relatives to my house because daddy loves having many people around. We even changed daddy's picture in living room into our family photo.

I'm going to give birth to my baby girl anytime now. It merely depends on when she wants to see the world. I'm having mixed feeling right now because I want to see her soon but do not fully prepared for what is going to happened during delivery. LOL. Nine months passed so fast. Right until last month that I felt that I'm having a baby because this is the time when I'm finally free to relax and feel her.. Previously, I still need to attend classes and also write my thesis so I'm kind of busy. Of course I can feel her presence because she constantly kicks me.. =) Since it is the last month of my pregnancy, I constantly feels tired and also hard to sleep. I hardly can find a comfortable position to sleep. Plus, I always wake up in the middle of the night to go to the loo. No choice coz my bladder tends to be full easily. But, I still managed to get few hours of sleep every night. Sometimes, I nap in the afternoon..

Now, I'm done buying my baby's stuff and I find myself loves doing baby shopping. Everything for her feels so nice and cute. I wished to buy everything for her but cannot. Hehe.. In the end, I only get what she needs. I have to go to hospital once a week for regular check ups and the waiting is killing me.. I have to sits there for hours just to wait for the doctor but thank god, hubby is there with me all the time. He did not missed even once. *loves* In the end of my pregnancy, I have to do tons of things such as counting the times my baby kicks in a day, taking care of my diet, regular check ups every week and etc. In one word, pregnancy is not easy. So, pls be good to your mom.. LOL

Baby baby, when did you want to come out?

Happy Chinese New Year?

2 more days to CNY.. It should be a very happy and exciting festive season right? But nothing about CNY excites me.. Last Saturday, I'm down with flu and sore throat.. And I'm still sick until now.. Wtf! I cannot get to enjoy all the cookies which waved at me and lured me to eat them everyday. Plus, I didn't do any shopping this year as you know, I'm due in one month's time so no point buying new clothes now..

Probably is the changes of my current status that makes me lost interest in CNY.. Why? Coz I'm going to give out ang pows instead of collecting them this year.. Boo~ No extra cash.. Somemore, this will be the first year I'm celebrating it with other family aka my husband's family instead of my own. So, a new year, new beginning huh?

I've having difficulty to sleep throughout this week. I slept early everyday but wake up every 2 hours because of nose block. I hate nose block.It makes me hardly can breath and I feel suffocated every time I cannot breath properly.. Like I'm gonna die or something.. Noa a very good way to kick start CNY. I need some nice, hot, flavour, spicy food right now.. I've been having porridge, noodle and bread almost everyday.. Not forgetting water as my only companion as I wasn't allowed to eat anything else unless I've recovered. I miss pizza, subway, curry noodle, teppanyaki, bah kut teh, ramly burger and lots more.. I will have more cravings when I'm sick.. It's always like that..

Pls just let me recover and have a nice CNY.. I didn't want to ended up seeing other people eating all the cookies and I can have none of that.. In that case, you better kill me lo.. Promise? PLS..

I'm free from exam.. *hopefully*

I just finished my last paper on the 6th of January 2012! I was having pretty mixed feelings at that time because I wanted the exam to end but at the same time it also means my friends and I are leaving the college as well.. But, the ending of college life doesn't mean the ending of our friendship right? We can still come out and hang out together.. LOL..

My buddies are currently enjoying their trips in Ipoh as graduation trip.. Too bad, I cannot join as I'm already 8 months pregnant and it will be safer to stay back.. Speaking about pregnancy, I can't believe time passes so fast.. In a glimpse of eyes, I'm 8 month pregnant and my baby is on her way to see the world.. In one and a half month's time.. OMG!! Since it is my first pregnancy, there are lots of things that I don't know. Lucky me, I'm always surrounded by good and loving people.. I've got so many people who teaches me what to do and how to take care of my health in order for my baby to be healthy as well..

Other that than, I also have a bunch of buddies who always take care of me whenever we went to college or malls... Blissful as it is, I believe my baby will be pampered by a lot of people.. LOL.. Now, I can't wait to see my baby so I have to prepared myself for the delivery.. Erm, maybe after CNY..

Yes, CNY is approaching and this year it will be different because I'm giving out ang pows instead of taking them.. Weird feelings huh? *laughs* New year, new life experience.. And this year's CNY will be totally different from the previous one as daddy is not around to celebrate it with us. But, he will always remembered in our hearts..

Tick tock tick tock.... Time is ticking and I shall enjoy my remaining one and a half month before getting busy again..

I miss my buddies already.. :(