How do I live without you?

It't the last day of 2010. Seriously, 2010 has not been good to me. Finally graduated from Diploma and continued my Advanced Diploma. I realized that Advance is so much difficult and need more effort. But good things is I get a bunch of new friends. And totally glad because that happened. Other than that will be seeing my friends flies oversea to further their study. Yes, I'm talking about you, Woon and Tian Long.. I miss all the times we spent together. Without the both of you, there is less joy and laughter.. Looking forward for your return.. As for Hee Boon, I'm sorry because we didn't spend more time together and I will try to make it for you in 2011.. Pinkie darling, how could I forget you.. I will definitely meet you up after my exam.. Ah, friends do come and go.. You will have new one in your life but you will also have someone who leave your life. That's life.

As for relationship, well it is consider ok despite we have arguments over the year. But that is consider normal for a couple right? Boyf been working very hard this year and managed to fulfill his target for this year which I'm truly proud of him. Looking back, it's been 2 and a half year we've together and seriously, I never thought I will be in a relationship for this long.. Lolz. But the truth proves to me that I can.. I really hope next year will be a better year for both of us. Love you, lao gong..

Finally, family.. I guess 2010 is really not a good year.. Brother been coming home lesses than previous years and then daddy is sick.. Now, even my lovely Velvet is missing. But but I guess 2011 will definitely be better as Ko will get marry next year.. If I ever have a wishlist, it will be to have my Velvet back. Then, a very joyful and prosperous year for my friends and family.. I learned that this is the most important things in life rather than wanted to buy this and that.. Of course, I still have something that I wanted which is my G12.. Wakakakaka..

Yesterday, I was so moody and gloomy because I dreamed of Velvet. The dream is like this, I walked into my house and saw my Velvet. I asked daddy, Dad, Velvet is back!! I feel so so so happy and went to hug him.. When I was about to ask daddy how did he come back, I was awake. It hits me real hard because it is just a dream. I almost cried because it is just like giving me hope and then taking it away. So, I started my day feeling sad. I rarely talk to my friends in class and when they asked what is wrong, I couldn't tell because I feel like crying.. I just don't understand why, why do you want to take other people's dog? I will not use the word steal because they might be kind to save my Velvet from being ran over by cars. But then, don't you think their family will be extremely worry about him? Whenever I talk about Velvet, I feel like crying.. I guess I just have to accept the facts now.. It's been one week already.. I need more time.. and it will be best if I could turn back time..

Sad Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!

But I'm not in Christmas mood. As you see above, it is my Velvet. I got the bad news today that he is missing. Right now he is still missing. I wonder where is him now.

Velvet, where are you? Can you come back now? We all miss you back home. It is so quiet in the house without you.

I cursed the people who take him away. People who take him away is a fucking thief. I cursed you go to hell if you don't return my Velvet.

Ugly truth

Things turned out to be pretty ugly when people started blaming each other. No matter it's relationship, friendship or family, blaming eventually destroyed the relationship.

Blog is a very good place to express feelings as well as to find out the ugly truth. Yes, the truth is very undeniable and unacceptable because it tells things that every one didn't want to face. On the other hand, blog is also another tool to destroy the relationship. Hahaha.. Sometimes, knowing too much is not a good thing. There will be no U-turn and things will just become worse. I read this from Twitter, "when everything is not right, then go left." It is funny when you read it, but how many people can actually manage to go left in the right time? How many people will be willing to accept their own mistakes and apologize? People are born to be ego at times.

You will say, no, I'm not ego at all which a total bullshit. Every one has the ego in them. It is just the matter of showing it to others or hiding it deep in your heart. But no matter how hard you are trying to hide, it will still shows to others obviously. You can go out and ask anyone, who did not want to win or become better than the others? This is also why competition happens all the time.

Anyway, friendship turned out pretty bad. And eventually become worse. I'm not going to blame it on others saying who's fault and all. But I'm just going to express it. It is not anyone's fault when I don't agreed with her style of doing things. Maybe it is my problems because I'm the one who cannot accept it. Plus the overnight mahjong session is seriously killing me. I'm sick and have to go through the whole night listening to mahjong's sound and also people talking out loud. As a friend, I thought you will stand up for me at that moment by asking your brother and colleague to be slightly quiet but no, you did nothing but joining them. Do you know, how much I suffer by wanting to sleep so much but I couldn't? The feelings is truly sucks. The aftermath of the mahjong session? My sickness become worse. I had sore throat, cough and also flu. I have to attend 8am class straight until 3.30pm. In the end, I think my blood pressure become low and head become extremely dizzy. I cannot sleep even though I finally can sleep kao kao after class.. Suffered for the whole night.. However, you did made some changes by talking to your brother about the mahjong session as our exam is drawing near. I truly appreciate that. I do feel that we are drifting apart. What can I do to save it? Nothing because you are drifting apart yourself. Feeling disappointed? We all are.. So, moving on is the only options..

After the problems with friendship, I seek comfort in family and relationship. Boyf has been sick for the whole week now and coincidently, I'm sick too, 3 days after his fever. He is thoughtful enough to take care of me and asked me don't eat this don't eat that.. Oh, did I tell that my period came the same day as my sore throat? Which worsen my sickness and makes me super duper suffer. Hahahaha.. Get all the care and attention from boyf makes me happy enough for the whole week. However, when he get back to work, attention that I get is lesser. But never mind, as long as he is healthy,that makes me happy.

As for my family, I called daddy and manja with him saying that I'm sick. He too asked me to drink this and drink that. Muahahaha.. The surprising part was, when I came home yesterday, I get a big bowl of chicken soup from my aunt because she heard that I suffer from low blood pressure again. Thanks aunty for the soup and cousin for bringing it over to my house.. I'm truly blessed to have all the love and care. I know I do sound a little spoiled but hey, everyone loves to be spoiled right?

And now I have to off to writing script for my radio programme. Take care everyone as the weather become moody nowadays. One moment sunny, another moment raining cats and dogs..

How's your weekdays treating you so far?

Happy weekend!

It's time to wake up

Holla~~ I've been missing since internship incident. Well, I've calm down and also enjoyed my week because Kama Satwan is not around. I had a week to be free from assignment apart of Monday.. Not gonna elaborate.. Anyway, I went sing k,catching up with HK drama and window shopping.. Seriously, I want Starbuck's tumbler but the one I like is out of stock. Ish x10.. But think properly, if I found it, will I really buy it? I wonder..

My elder bro went back to China this morning. Left the rest of us to take care of everything. He manage to settle everything b4 he left. I'm so happy to have him because he loves us and take care of everything for us. Therefore, in order to repay his kindness, I will study real real hard.. I PROMISE!! It strikes me after the internship incident.. It's time to wake up!!!

I'm down with flu right now.. Why now? Arghh!!!! I still got shooting tmr.. Why why why? Ish ish ish~~~ Geramnyer~~ My neighbour is renovating their house.. Again~~ Everytime when I'm having holiday or come home during weekend, renovate. I ada fate dengan renovation meh? I hate hate renovation because it makes me headache... Bla bla bla~~~~

On the other hand, boyf is sick too.. Kesian him. Still not yet recover.. And he makes me sick also.. Bluek! Bad boyf lo~ Now sama-sama sick lo~

I guess I should go and rest now.. Tak boleh tahan liow!!!

BYE!

What does rainbow means to you

When you see rainbow, what do you think about? A glimpse of hope in dark? I don't know. My feelings for the past few days is like seeing rainbows. Hoping and hoping for something. However, today my hope was fully destroyed by my programme supervisor. I fall from heaven to hell.

About a month ago, she asked us to prepare our resume for internship. We were all rushing for it. After all the resume is sent, all we can do is wait. Finally, last week, 4 of my course mates received calls to go for interview. I still putting hope and waited patiently. I look at my phone every few seconds just in case my calls got missed. Today, my programme supervisor came and give us a brief talk about internship and this is when my hope is gone. She told us not many of us are qualified for internship. And I turned out to be oner of the lucky one that will stay in college next semester. My heart broke into pieces when I heard of that and definitely disappointed. I wonder, what is the use of getting a merit in diploma and keep your record nice and presentable? I'm still not qualified for internship. If from the beginning she told us that we are not qualified, I'm fine with it. But after all the hassle of preparing the resume and spending money on passport size pictures only she informed us about it. I was pissed and disappointed at the same time. I cannot even think straight at that moment. I becomes so moody and totally lost interest in lecture. I envy those who gets to go for internship. But it is a fact now and nothing I can do to change it.

I'm much more better than just now. At least, I controlled my own emotions already.. But that doesn't mean I don't get angry with the person that caused me not qualified for internship. Totally remember the 'favour' from him. Thanks a lot and I will repay if I have a chance.

Now, everything is black for me and I need my rainbow back~

Me.. the usual one~

I bet most of you miss me.. Hahaha.. It's been very long since I last post any pictures.. As usual, I'm caught up with assignments and this time around, some family stuff.. Anyway, I'm good now.. I will be having one whole week free from assignments because I will only shoot my PSA week after next week. I will plan a little for my last radio assignments but just some light planning. Next week will definitely a good week.. Plus I can get some time to relax and maybe study a little for my upcoming exams.

Things have been out of hand recently and that makes me so frustrated. I seriously don't know what else I can do anymore. Frankly speaking, I'm so stuck in the middle and really don't know what I should do.. Someone pls help me!!!!!!

Yesterday, I argued with the boyf and for the first time in our relationship, we actually let it off without discussing it. Seriously, I don't know what I did wrong.. Maybe I sounds too harsh about his plan but that's me. Plus I'm so tired. I don't know why he cannot accept the harsh side of me. It's like part of me. Today, he is not ignoring me but at the same time not being too friendly like usual. Fine, time will heal and if it is not, nothing I can do. Yeah, it did hurts me.

I'm determined to practice a healthier eating habits because I realized that I've been easily fatigue and that is very bad. I also need to do some exercise I guess.. Hopefully I can find time to do it..

On the happier note, I actually passed my TV midterm which makes me relieved a little. But I know I have to work hard for my final.. So far, only the Statistic midterm disappoint me but that is what I deserved for not studying hard enough. But look at the brighter side, my assignment marks is satisfying so far..

Weekend is love~~