Women, in many ways..

I wonder how much a women will be willing to sacrifice for a man? Why does this question pop up? Few days ago, I was chatting with my sister in law and we, (sis in law and I) now a mum so basically our topic is about pregnancy and baby. Breastfeeding is very popular among mothers now because of the benefits of breastfeeding. But of coz, there are some women who refuse to breastfeed their children. As most of you know, natural birth is very painful and of course you body, especially your vagina will not be the same again. My sister in law told me that women in China rather do cesarean than natural birth because they didn't want their vagina to be 'loosen'. I read a comment from a women who gave birth in France and according to her, women in France do not breastfeed their children because they want their breast to be in shape. This is to avoid their husband to have affair. Their husband is their priority rather than their children's health. So, I wonder, how much a women will do to sacrifice?

I knew a women who thinks that she give birth means she did a big sacrifice and expect the husband to be grateful. She cannot stand a little bit pain and to her giving birth is extremely painful and the husband should do the rest. I know giving birth is very painful but you do not need to mention it every time like you are the only one going through that pain. I understand that a women would love her husband to be grateful and show appreciation after she gave birth but that doesn't mean everything that you husband did for you is nothing.. You are the only who suffers. your husband go through the labor process with you and also taking care of the child and doing other necessary things for you too.. It just make me realized that everyone is different and I cannot expect anyone to just thinks the same as I was.

I went through natural birth and currently breastfeeding as most of the mummy. But I do not think it is sacrificing or anything. My husband went back to KL after my daughter's full moon and I have to take care of my daughter alone. I have my family to help me as well and I'm learning. Learning on how to take care of my daughter by myself. Seeing my daughter who is now a healthy 4.6kg baby in just 6 weeks makes me happy as well.. Of course, she is my priority now. Everything about her matters the most. And when people like her, I'm happy too.. =)

So another question pop up.. Why some mother can leave their children just like that? My daughter had jaundice when she was 3 days old and she stayed in hospital for 8 days. I have to stay with her to take care of her. When we were in the pediatric ward, on the 2nd last day, a 19th month old girl was admitted next to Sammie's bed. She didn't have any illness but she didn't walk or stand and didn't want to talk so her aunt sent her to the hospital for check up. It was her grandmother who accompanied her. When we chat, her grandmother said that little girl's mum left her when she was 2 months old. Ever since that day, she didn't cry at all. I find it very hard to believe that a child did not cry at all. But it is proven when she was brought to insert iv, she didn't cry at all.. Only struggle and shout popo.. Seeing that, I feel sympathy. Her dad, aunt, grandparents all love her very much but her mum's leaving left her a scar which no matter how many people loves her, the scar still remain in her.

A women can left her daughter for money, a women can refuse to breastfeed her child because want to stay pretty, a women go can through cesarean to remained her sex life..

This leads to the fact that there are a lot of types of people.. What do you think, women? Which type are you?

Don't mess with me

I finally went home last weekend.. I went home for a while only last 2 weekends because I got things to do. It was a very nice feeling being home again but yeah, shits happened. I just don't understand why you all like to bully my mum and still thinks that you are right. Sorry, I cannot tolerate with this because I've lost my dad and the only thing I can do now is to protect my mum. No matter what happens, I will have my mum's back. So, don't play with fire as I'm not a very good person for you all to deal with.

Just one weekends makes me realized that I always deals with shitty people.. Shitty peoples as in people with shitty attitude. Yeah, I've met a lot of people like this. So, when exactly do they leave me in peace? People that I always thought I can count on and trust will ended up becomes the ones that hurts me the most. So, do I still value friendship? Yes, very very much as I still have a bunch of best friends that have my back. As for family, we still have a strong family bond with each other and I can always go back to them just like how I always go back to daddy last time.

I talked to my sister last weekend and realized that my siblings and I are facing difficulties accepting the facts that dad is gone. The pillar of my family suddenly left and we are so lost because he is the one settling everything for us everytime we face problems. I know time will heal but the emptiness is there. Maybe after my baby is born, it will fills my heart a little.

I will not tolerate with these kind of people anymore as in friends or anyone else. Maybe you can say that I'm very cruel but do bear in mind that things that you all did to me is many times more cruel. If I can take it like a man, why can't you? Just stop feeling sorry for me because I don't need it anymore. I can still survive very well because I have other people that appreciate me as who I am.

The ugliness of discount

It is taken in a supermarket which I will not named. Yeah, they are queuing for Shandy apparently. I am there for this reason too but then I ended up leaving because there are no more Shandy available. Why waste my time standing under the hot sun? This part of people is only half of them. The other half was standing under the hot sun. Wow, the power of discount.

I failed to get the Shandy but I got few cartons of Carlsberg for my brother's wedding.. Yippie.. The feeling of victory. Coz some people couldn't get when I was queuing to pay. For the nasty supermarket who didn't have enough supply, don't sell.. What is the point when all the people is pushing and pulling to get it? Then no point having discount when all you got is not enough. The ugliness of business because they were rather seeing people rushing and pushing and all just to buy their discounted product. Eew.. Very bad..

Today is definitely a very hot day because when I sleep in the afternoon, I sweat. Ok la, I did set the wrong time for alarm so I wake up later than I'm supposed to be. Then still wing wing dei from sleep.. I hate hot weather seriously.. I also don't like rainy days because it makes me wet if I want to go out. I know I'm hard to please but I myself also don't know what I want..

Tomorrow will definitely be a better day because I'm meeting my buddies.. *loves and joys* Muahahaha.. Gotta spend a whole day with them. Oh my god, I'm missing them as I'm typing this. Yeah for tomorrow.

Memories..

Seriously, I've been too free.. Minus the times when i help daddy and mummy in pasar malam/pagi. Therefore, time other than helping daddy is used to read things that I write 2 or 3 years ago. I realized, lots of things happened in these 2-3 years. Arguments, made up then arguments again. Hell, my life revolves around arguments. I had plenty of arguments with my boyf alone. There are lots of things to complain and upset. Now I remembered, it is not easy for us to come until this stage therefore I must appreciate it. Of course, there were this huge arguments with one of my friend. It was until a point where I feel I totally lost myself and I don't know who to trust anymore. It was a very down moment for me because I was so confused with all the peoples around me. Anyway, it is over and i find it entertaining when I read it all over again. Some are the things that I totally forgot about it. Memories.... Amazing isn't it?

I don't remember if I post it but I did jot down my thoughts on peoples and life. I've been thru lots of ups and downs. Yeah, you must be thinking, how much a 23 years old can go thru? I bet my life ain't easy because of the failure that I faced and every other problems. I definitely fall more and also gained more.

However, everything of the above makes me realized that FAMILY is always the best. No matter how, they will stood by your side no matter what. I really love my family despite losing one of my dearest last month which is my Velvet darling. He is definitely one of my family and I missed him so so much. Every now or then, things will reminds me very much of him. Now that he is gone, all we left with is memories with him. I do hope that he will be in a better family although I will curse that family for kidnapping him.. Definitely learn more and become more mature in everything.

Tomorrow will be family day because I'm going to supermarket with parents and siblings to get CNY stuff, drinks, snacks and etc.

I'm not emo ok.. Just thoughts..

xoxo, Ling

Ugly truth

Things turned out to be pretty ugly when people started blaming each other. No matter it's relationship, friendship or family, blaming eventually destroyed the relationship.

Blog is a very good place to express feelings as well as to find out the ugly truth. Yes, the truth is very undeniable and unacceptable because it tells things that every one didn't want to face. On the other hand, blog is also another tool to destroy the relationship. Hahaha.. Sometimes, knowing too much is not a good thing. There will be no U-turn and things will just become worse. I read this from Twitter, "when everything is not right, then go left." It is funny when you read it, but how many people can actually manage to go left in the right time? How many people will be willing to accept their own mistakes and apologize? People are born to be ego at times.

You will say, no, I'm not ego at all which a total bullshit. Every one has the ego in them. It is just the matter of showing it to others or hiding it deep in your heart. But no matter how hard you are trying to hide, it will still shows to others obviously. You can go out and ask anyone, who did not want to win or become better than the others? This is also why competition happens all the time.

Anyway, friendship turned out pretty bad. And eventually become worse. I'm not going to blame it on others saying who's fault and all. But I'm just going to express it. It is not anyone's fault when I don't agreed with her style of doing things. Maybe it is my problems because I'm the one who cannot accept it. Plus the overnight mahjong session is seriously killing me. I'm sick and have to go through the whole night listening to mahjong's sound and also people talking out loud. As a friend, I thought you will stand up for me at that moment by asking your brother and colleague to be slightly quiet but no, you did nothing but joining them. Do you know, how much I suffer by wanting to sleep so much but I couldn't? The feelings is truly sucks. The aftermath of the mahjong session? My sickness become worse. I had sore throat, cough and also flu. I have to attend 8am class straight until 3.30pm. In the end, I think my blood pressure become low and head become extremely dizzy. I cannot sleep even though I finally can sleep kao kao after class.. Suffered for the whole night.. However, you did made some changes by talking to your brother about the mahjong session as our exam is drawing near. I truly appreciate that. I do feel that we are drifting apart. What can I do to save it? Nothing because you are drifting apart yourself. Feeling disappointed? We all are.. So, moving on is the only options..

After the problems with friendship, I seek comfort in family and relationship. Boyf has been sick for the whole week now and coincidently, I'm sick too, 3 days after his fever. He is thoughtful enough to take care of me and asked me don't eat this don't eat that.. Oh, did I tell that my period came the same day as my sore throat? Which worsen my sickness and makes me super duper suffer. Hahahaha.. Get all the care and attention from boyf makes me happy enough for the whole week. However, when he get back to work, attention that I get is lesser. But never mind, as long as he is healthy,that makes me happy.

As for my family, I called daddy and manja with him saying that I'm sick. He too asked me to drink this and drink that. Muahahaha.. The surprising part was, when I came home yesterday, I get a big bowl of chicken soup from my aunt because she heard that I suffer from low blood pressure again. Thanks aunty for the soup and cousin for bringing it over to my house.. I'm truly blessed to have all the love and care. I know I do sound a little spoiled but hey, everyone loves to be spoiled right?

And now I have to off to writing script for my radio programme. Take care everyone as the weather become moody nowadays. One moment sunny, another moment raining cats and dogs..

How's your weekdays treating you so far?

Happy weekend!

Who can help me?

All these time, thinking is so much easier than doing it. You can say whatever you want without knowing if you can do it or not. But now, I'm having difficulty with thinking. As I mentioned in the previous post, I need to come up with a idea about self introduction for my individual assignment. Now, I realized I did not truly understand myself other than having bad temper. I don't know what to do and stuck with no idea at all. So how? I don't know.

Things are not going my way because I faced obstacles with every single thing I do right now. I did not want to complain because I remembered how one of my friends used to say about my bad habit of complaining. Complain but did not do anything to change it. So, I will not complain. Because complain alone will not change anything but only make me feel slightly better. I wished I have more patient towards dealing with people. Plus, my sleeping time is reduced so I'm more grumpy than usual. I want my stuff to be done earlier but I just couldn't get the idea. Can I just go somewhere to find some inspiration? I need it very much now, seriously..

I regret wishing for production last semester. There are too many production now that we practically ran out of idea. I admit I'm not a very creative person and I'm only good at words so I often polish people's idea rather than coming with a new one. My idea will only be out on a very rare occasion. Maybe by travelling to other places brings more inspiration? But I don't have any time to travel right now because due date is approaching.. Sigh..

To my friend

I happened to scold one of my friend today *name will not be mentioned here*, not screaming like a bitch to that particular person but in a mean way. Let's call my friend X. Mean which includes saying words that will hurt his/her feeling. (I think it is harsh) I'm sorry but I just couldn't help it. These few weeks,X keep skipping class for whatsoever reason which until now, I cannot accept, which is sick. I don't know it's coincidence or what, X happens to fall sick during the important moment like handling assignment day or shooting day or yada yada yada..Maybe he is really sick, I don't know.. It is a short semester by the way. One thing that makes me furious is that X thinks IR is very important but X always skips the lecture. I don't see the point of important here. Do you? I'm determine not to lend X any notes so that X will be independent or at least realize that he/she cannot always depends on me. But in the end, I still lend X notes because this is the last semester already and I don't want to cause anyone to fail this semester. I did what I can as a friend. I tries telling X few times but then he/she seems to understands but didn't change. Which makes everything back to square one.

I'm not trying complaining here or making myself looks very good. I'm just trying to voice out my thoughts just so X will realize and wake up. It is no longer honey moon year. I don't mind helping but at least make some effort. I'm really tired of babysitting.. No offence but I really hope you will change. I'm trying my best to help you.. Anyway, we will always be best friend.. No hard feelings k.. You can talk to me if you have any problems or anything.

I miss you!

I never thought I will be able to see you again. There you are, standing next to my bed looking at my sleepy face. I don't know if it is a dream or you were really there. But I really wish I had more time to at least take a good look at you. It's been 12 years since I last saw you. I'm really glad you came back for me. Like you always does. And I'm sorry I didn't go and visit you this year. Maybe that's why you came and see me..

I Love You, Ah Kong..